Posts Tagged 'No-sex'

Sunday Times Ad Promises No More Sex

Here is a new concept for you: why don’t you position your brand against sex?

No, we’re not talking about a Bible’s publishing house or a seller of hats for mormons. We’re talking about a regular brand, intended for the mainstream audience. Sounds appealing?

Well, before you throw all you budget behind this concept, we feel obliged to warn you that the idea is no longer virgin. Yes, that’s right, somebody else already embraced this brilliant concept.

The impetuous player was the Sunday Times, the leading South African newspaper.

Sunday Times No-Sex Ad

At a time when newspapers all over the world are facing decreasing audiences, and many are wondering for how long the print newspaper will continue to exist, the Sunday Times launched a campaign where it proudly states that subscribing to the Sunday Times causes people to have less sex.

Not that it causes impotence, none of that: that would be a still bolder claim (maybe for a follow-on ad? We leave the thought here free of charge ).

No, what happens is that when people have the ST delivered to their doorsteps, they become so immersed in the news that they can’t be bothered with morning sex. They may still stay in bed, but they’ll be reading the ST.

All this reading has tremendously beneficial consequences for the environment. Having less sex, people consequentially have less babies, which is awful good for the population of riverine rabbits who, not having to bother with reading the ST, can have all the sex they want, thus complying with the biblical mandate of “be fruitful and multiply”.

All the sexless reading will, of course, place the ST subscribers in the awkward (and risky) position of disobeying God’s command. They may be saving the planet (via Riverine Rabbits) but they’ll be risking damnation.

But not to worry. In the sexless Hell into which they’ll be thrown for all eternity, there’ll be plenty of time to catch up with all the backward editions of the Sunday Times.

And won’t that be a blast?


July 2019
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